An Update From The Author: Saying I'm not an advocate of relationships was probably misleading. To satisfy your curiosity of my personal view on the subject matter, direct yourself to "The End.," the last post written in February 2011. (This also entails the purpose of this literature as a whole.)
A Second Update From Your Author (6 March 2012): This is becoming an aspiration to define the term "love." An aspiration because it is that very thing I find hard to describe with words. But every then and again I come across someone who achieves to do so to some extent. You can find these quotes I call fancy structures of words in "special entries."

Sunday, October 16, 2011

Guys That Can Conversate

It's no news that women want their men to conversate with them. But what I mean to say is most attractive, is when a guy can ignite a conversation immediately upon meeting me. Still no surprise right? Well, it's surprising how rare it is, especially for the not-so-average female.

If you know me, you know I can be extremely talkative. But you would also know I was just the opposite when you met me. I'd like to address the various theories circulating the cause : A (my mother's reasoning) is that I am "stuck-up," a too-good-for-everyone snob, B (my closest friends' reasoning) is that I am for-no-good-reason shy, and C (my self-consciousness' reasoning) is that I am, for lack of better words an extensive vocabulary, boring. The truth is, I'm probably D All of the above.

I might think I'm better than most of the world, but that doesn't mean I adore talking about myself without being asked to. (In fact, maybe the reason why I think I'm better than you is because you do frequently talk about yourself, but that's only called modesty isn't it? I suppose now that I say I'm modest, I'm no longer modest. Anyway, besides my hypocrisy...) I might look like the left wing liberal that speaks her mind every time she has the opportunity, but that doesn't mean I'm not the shy conservative, sheltered mind. I might openly express my content with being "boring," but that doesn't mean I don't tell myself I'm the shit every morning when I wake up and every night before going to bed. The point is, I need a guy that can put up with all of that, from the very start. Bottom line: I don't make great first impressions.

As far as I can recall, there has only been one instance where I met someone who can keep up, or rather keep steady, with a personal conversation. Before I release the details of that night however, I'd like to tell a story about one of my close friends.

He was the last person I met before moving, and compared to the handful of people I've known for over a handful of years, he is one of the few people [from that town I once resided in] I still communicate with quite regularly. The first time we met it was a group of us indoor rock climbing, so there wasn't any conversations that day really. The second time was a casual dinner in the city. But it was the car ride from the restaurant that sparked one of the greatest friendships I have. What started out as a harmless game of Truth or Dare? between three guys and myself, quickly became a game of Questioning [My Name]'s Life. Of the three guys there was the one I knew since Kindergarten, the one everyone knew I found interest in for the past few months, and the mutual friend whom I've met once before, which is obviously the man being discussed. Since he was the only one that knew almost nothing about me, and therefore had no guilt in interrogating me, he was the primary player of Questioning [My Name] with questions like "Are you a virgin?" "How many men have you made out with?" "Is there anyone you're interested in now?" "Why are you moving to [current city of residence]?" But he and I both came out winners. From that night, I realized I do think I'm different from the typical girl of this day and age and I do think that makes me exciting rather than boring and I do love talking about it but I do need to be asked first.

More importantly though, I met a gentleman that opened a whole new perspective on the modern man for me. Years ago, when I listened to emo-punk rock and viewed the world through a glass half empty, I was sitting outside with a couple of blood relatives and their friend during an engagement party. Next thing I knew, I was sitting outside with the friend who was feeling awkward because the engagement party was at the bride's uncle's home in a city different from his own. But quickly, we engaged ourselves in a conversation more personal than the average "Hi, my name is ____. How are you?" In fact we talked about failures, the future, goals, success, and lives lost. (Through an entanglement of social connections, he was the better friend of the groom whose bride is the sister of the dear cousin I lost innocently from gang violence who he also knew from being old friends of the family.) I was in my teens and he nearing the legal age, thus I had this sort of respect for his failures, his losses, and how he turned his life around. I thought, might I do the same? And now I am.

Interest me with your wise words, be inquisitive, inspire, and you'll find why this is number fifteen.

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